Chapter 129

***Kenya.***

***Present day***

After Levi left, I allowed myself sob into my pillow. I cried so much my head hurt.

A deep furrow had been formed in my heart that night Levi showed his monster form.

Images of Alec's brain, splattered all over the floor; the way his head fell back after the bullet struck, flashed into my line of vision. I clutched the pillow tight, crying into it. Not seeing anything beyond my grief.

He died because of me. If I hadn't called him when I arrived Baltimore, he would have still lived.

A knock on the door and a young woman wearing scrubs walked into the room. Seeing her in teal green scrubs, caused me more despair; knowing the last I had seen Alec, he had been in scrubs.

"Crying isn't good for you, Ma'am. Sir says you lost a very close friend and we should keep you under observation," she said.

I raised my eyes, staring at her. She watched me, confused.

"He did?" I asked. I couldn't believe this man.

How could he just say it so casually? I didn't even want to imagine his expression when he said those words.

"He did Ma'am. I'm sorry about your loss. I'm Zoe Thompson. Your nurse. Doctor Kenan isn't around at the moment. Went to run some errands. But she asked I called her in case of any emergencies," she said.

She smiled a little at me, before she began checking my vitals. Removing my IV, she gave me a few vitamins to swallow, which she said were needed for the baby's development.

*My baby*.

I put a possessive palm over my belly.

At the hospital, the doctor had told me the baby was as little as a strawberry. Nine weeks. I had held my belly. Feeling a close bond, as my palm smoothened my skin. The skin, which would soon become so stretched from my growing bump. And my body, which would soon become fat, from all the hormones and changes I'd undergo.

I felt a certain peace in my heart, knowing I had to live for this baby. My emotions, my passion weren't a priority any longer. My baby's life now took precedence.

My phone rang and Nurse Thompson brought it for me. She was really kind and I didn't think it was only because of her job.

It was Amanda. I answered.

"Hi." Amanda greeted.

Wordlessly, Nurse Thompson left the room. Leaving me alone to my call. It was 7:45pm and I was suddenly in the mood for spicy tamales.

"Hi Amanda. How are you?" I greeted quietly. My voice weak. I cleared my throat to put some life into the voice. The last thing I needed was for Amanda to sense anything wrong.

"How are Alan and the kids?" I pressed. I hadn't heard from her since her birthday weeks ago.

"Fine, Sparkles." I heard her say.

I hitched a breath. Hearing that name, nostalgia flooded me. And I found myself thinking of high school and Alec. I stifled a sob with my palm.

"I wanted to apologize for the way I've acted recently."

Thank God she didn't hear my sob. Tears found their way.

"I've been stressed about something and I need to see you, so we can talk," Amanda said.

I composed myself, even though I found that difficult. Her words barely registering.

"Did you hear me, Ken?" She asked.

I sniffed. "Yes, Amanda."

"I'd be coming into town tomorrow night with my friends, so we can catch up, Ken. Say Monday evening. I haven't been the best sister since your wedding. Let me make this up to you," Amanda said.

I cleaned my eyes with my palm. I was not feeling too good to socialize. But the hopeful tone in my sister's voice and the need to change scenery, won.

"Alright, Amanda. Just call me when you're ready. I'd be there." I informed her.

She laughed and I managed to smile. Then she told me about the kids and how they missed me so much. I suddenly found the topic of kids distracting. And Amanda was kind enough to indulge me on the topic.

After the call ended, I eased into the covers, sleep overwhelming me. I didn't want to sleep, because if I did, I'd see Alec's face. The horror he must have felt, when the gun was pointed to his head. I'd see the shock on his face, when the bullet passed through his head.

And I'd hate Levi for it all. Even though I was aware that I should have maintained a distance with Alec, knowing the disposition of Levi. But how was I to know that the man was more than a monster. That he was the devil himself. That inside all that charming and kind exterior, lurked darkness. A shadow, morphed into a human form.

Worse I was having his baby. And I didn't need to transfer the hate to my baby.

Despite what now existed between us, I was never going to hate my baby. I was going to love this baby with all my heart. Teach the baby values, contrary to whatever he must have been given.

Although, something gnawed in my heart that this side of Levi only existed because of his past. I couldn't allow it take root. If I did, I'd feel sorry for him. And I didn't want to feel that way.

I had given him a chance for him to tell me all about himself. I had wanted to know him, utterly. The bad and good sides.

I had wanted to share in his horror. His pain, which he had endured as a child, because I had fallen in love with him.

Rather he had chosen to throw my offer in my face. Chose a world of depravity that had enveloped him. He had chosen to remain irredeemable.

Now he had destroyed us. Cast a forever shadow. No more light.

I had lost the love of my life.